So it’s February 14th again and you are, for this day, single. And spoiler alert for the rest of this article and the rest of your life: it’s not a big deal. This isn’t a pity article or a cynical one, this is just a reminder from a fellow single lady on Valentine’s Day that the value of your life hasn’t shifted literally at all.
If you’re a single person on Valentine’s Day, you could be in a lot of different emotional places. Some of you may have just gotten out of relationships — may be your choice, maybe not. Some of you could be settled in the single-person groove; you’ve got the confidence to spare and February 14th doesn’t affect you at all. For others, today could be another reminder of not having something you want. If no one’s told you yet, whatever you’re feeling is legitimate and valid.
But I do want to suggest if you’re in the category of “singleness means that I’m alone and terrible,” that a perspective shift might be in order. Here are a few reminders for whatever you might be telling yourself being single means about you and your life:
1. You are fine
Today is just another February day, quite similar to the 13th and the 15th. If it seems like there are suddenly couples everywhere, there aren’t. They’re there on the 13th and 15th, too. You’re fine.
2. You are fine
Ignore the social media effect where it seems like people who are in a relationship are happier. They are just as human and messy as you are. And that single person who looks like they’re doing singleness “better” than you? They’re not. They are just as human and messy as you are. You’re fine.
3. You are fine
Full disclosure: I love relationships. Companionship is awesome, and I can get blinded by all the happy couples and believe that my other relationships can’t fulfill me in that same way. But I — and you, friend — have family members and mentors and friends who are there to walk through life with you, whose strengths complement your weaknesses, who love you. You’re fine.
4. You are fine
Our culture — our media, our social media, our parents — may have convinced you that, especially as a woman, you’re not complete unless you’re in a romantic relationship. That’s a lie. Also a lie: that you are completely sufficient in yourself and don’t need any other human beings in your life. It can be tempting on Valentine’s Day as a single person to condemn anything but pure individuality, but being single doesn’t mean being alone. Don’t shirk your community today in favor of either moping or being too individualistic. You can and will live an equally full and complete life with or without a romantic partner. You’re fine.
5. You are fine
If you’re like me and are prone to get stuck in the past, remember that all of your past relationships have been learning experiences, not failures (if they’ve gone poorly) and not the greatest thing that will ever happen to you (if they’ve gone well). They’ve certainly shaped you, but they don’t define you. You’re fine.
6. You are fine
If you’re prone to get caught up in the future, remember that you have no idea what’s going to happen. Planning for or worrying about it now does nothing but waste time and cause you pain. Take a deep breath and look back at items 1-5 — if you’re not in a relationship today, tomorrow, or for the rest of your life, say it with me: You’re fine.
Bottom line, it’s seriously not a big deal that you and/or your friends are single on Valentine’s Day, or ever, for that matter. You will live to the fullest with or without a romantic partner. You will love to the fullest with or without a romantic partner. It’s all up to you — you’re in the driver’s seat.
In fact, lots of people would fulfill what they want to do in life better without a partner. Our culture has taken romantic relationships, a good thing, and made them into an ultimate thing. Put relationships back in their place, and take a look at just how expansive your life is; it might be in flux, but it’s a complete romantic partner or not. And please, #treatyoself today, you’re worth it.
